29.01.2018, 22:55:30

warm blankets.
pinterest.
candle flickers.

diffuser bubbling.
dark, quiet space.
nights like these.

-cv.

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26.01.2018, 10:23:39

enneagram four:

a constant spiral, of upwards and down. around and around. It can be exhausting as hell- fire ripping through the battlefield, looping where no-man’s-land wants to land, so it boomerangs back again. the only issue? you are both sides. a mind at war with itself; one day friendly-firing wonderful compliments at your accomplishments, the next a gruesome taste of your own cold, blood as you grit your teeth in anger and despair.

why the tragic metaphor? it feels like this some days.
yes, feel.

and dear four, giving voice to what you feel is the first sign of surrender. a white flag. it’s not weakness, it’s wisdom. because while feelings and emotions are truest of our experience, a world at war with itself raging inside– they might not actually be truth.

that’s the hardest thing to come to grips with: your feelings aren’t always right, light and lovely.

so. as a feeler, who experiences hundreds of them a day, across the spectrum within minutes, i’m learning this:

1. take it slow, breathe deep
2. you will be taken care of
3. asking for help is strength

-cv.

23.12.2017, 00:21:00

it will forever baffle me that when faced with the knowledge Peter would outright reject + fail Jesus multiple times — and despite this disciple’s rowdy + rebellious nature– , Jesus doesn’t falter to call Peter by his God-identity: the rock.

when it all points south + you have absolutely nothing to show for yourself, Jesus calls your heart home to its true north.

crazy grace makes no sense.
I’d like to say that’s how i hold on, but really … it holds onto me.

-cv.

21.12.2017, 23:46:00

maybe the glass breaking was what broke something in me?

i carefully put the pieces together, and they shattered on the floor. quite literally.

so maybe it was the tension– of all this last year stored up– that cracked open in the midst of it all.

it’s been magical, and good + so lovingly hard.

release.
breath.
-cv.