12.04.2017, 09:57:21

18 things I would tell my 18-year-old self:

1. I love your heart– for people, for passion, for perspective
2. you’re not going to graduate “on time” in four years, but five – and that is more than okay. it doesn’t mean you’re a failure, it means you fight to live life slower, more present.
3. every day is an adventure into the unknown + what-could-be. keep an open mind, don’t plan it all in one night.
4. yeah, that boy that broke up with you on the first day of first year? don’t fret darling, there really are good men out there, and your time in relationships that didn’t work out wasn’t wasted.
5. the love-journey with God is the most exciting relationship ever, and haha, girl … you’re just getting started.
6. you are worthy of grace in the “my life has been flipped upside down” moments and the diagnoses and titles placed on your head.
7. love your body. love it. I still have to tell myself this: but you are enough.
8. friend groups change, seasons shift – and it’s all okay.
9. your story is being written by the Creator, not his creations (you will learn this the hard way, but it’s all grace – there’s purpose in the process)
10. drink your water, set boundaries, get enough sleep, eat healthy
11. you can’t be everything to everyone, and you’ll fail trying to do so
12. the dreams in your heart matter, and you should pursue them
13. your Facebook friends and Instagram followers count doesn’t matter, you love the people in front of you really well, focus on them
14. fight for presence, for authenticity. even when it seems you’re the only one
15. feeling the #feelz is your superpower, it’s not the enemy.
16. you shift the atmosphere in every room you walk in, royal one – you are significant and powerful
17. the struggle, the hustle, the pain — it’s all gonna be worth it.
18. life is so good babe. here, now. it’s beautiful, and it’s only getting more and more beautiful every day.

you are so dang loved,
-cv.

03.01.2017, notebook.

You took me
to a secret place.
I’m hidden in
the secret places.
And my soul-amnesia becomes
mind-amnesia.
And I am forgetfulness and peace all over.
My cares fell in the ocean-sky
on the way here.
I am a week’s worth of bliss,
and presence.
He gave me this present:
to rest, to awe, to be fully here.
Some may call it
carelessness,
to not give thoughts
to people, to life, to the things you miss.
But I breathe
salty air and
watch the sung through
the yellow blinds,
streaking in.
This is a supernatural encounter:
never meant to give spare thoughts,
like change we throw in fountains,
away.
No,
I am one with God.
I have Christ’s mind.
I am here, fully now,
and I am found.
Thoughts are made to spill in thousands.
Hundreds,
given to those we love.
If we are full, our mind and body and soul lost in Him,
that is when we are found.
We are free.
We are fully — we.
You, I.
We were never meant to traverse sunken ships
with sunken hearts,
blue-frozen and pressure-cracked.
Hide, dear soul.
Rest is found along the map of daily moments.
Quiet. Still.
No one body will tell you the beauty–
perfectly.
Because only you can see it,
only you know where to hide.
In Him. in Him. in Him.
There is beauty in demise.
The opportunity to come,
to stay,
to be emptied –
and filled.
with Holy Spirit living wild.
You gather.
In the quiet, the rest.
Because here– right here,
is where God is tangible in the way that He loves.
He is never-ending fountains,
and birds singing.
I am strength all over and I never want to leave.
-cv.

29.12.2016, notebook

You redefine love in me.
You undo all the strings,
and I stand there exposed.
I stood, yeah.
I stand face in the sun now
& I see the places you took me.
You were always there,
in the shade + darkness.
I’m realizing you were always there.
real close, in me.
I’m no longer afraid
of any loose strings.
-cv.

11.12.2016, an unnamed letter [p.4]

I will take off the death that has made its home in your heart.
I will break the bondage and the fake sense of safety you try to find in the form of momentary peace. Because I have SO much more for you, and My Grace and Peace are everlasting and make no sense to the human mind.

Life will not be consistent, no, because life is a journey that matters so much more than where you end up. And you can trust in this process, lovely-heart. Because I will not leave you the same. Or empty. The old will be put to death, exactly how Christ pinned humanity’s sin on a cross, defeating the grave. Time will heal, because I will be found in your mess. I am found at every corner, every door, every seemingly-closed room that makes you feel stuck. But here’s the best part:

I am not going to simply put to death the “old-man” in you, I will and AM resurrecting a completely new creation. You will be unrecognizable. Because My Love transforms where medicine and people have no reach. I am making ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING new in you.

There will come a time when you will look back, and My presence will reveal all the work I’ve been doing your entire life– and you will not know how you got to where you are. I have dreams bigger than the ones you can fathom. I have Hope and Joy when I think of your story as a chapter in the book of Life I’m writing. It makes Me so proud.

I love you with a fierce passion.
From,
Your heavenly Daddy who holds you in His hands, forever.