23.12.2017, 00:32:00

hopelessly, helplessly homeless.
— it’s how this heart sometimes feels.

hope-fully, help-filled + home-found.
— it’s what i aspire to be.

-cv.

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23.12.2017, 00:21:00

it will forever baffle me that when faced with the knowledge Peter would outright reject + fail Jesus multiple times — and despite this disciple’s rowdy + rebellious nature– , Jesus doesn’t falter to call Peter by his God-identity: the rock.

when it all points south + you have absolutely nothing to show for yourself, Jesus calls your heart home to its true north.

crazy grace makes no sense.
I’d like to say that’s how i hold on, but really … it holds onto me.

-cv.

21.12.2017, 23:46:00

maybe the glass breaking was what broke something in me?

i carefully put the pieces together, and they shattered on the floor. quite literally.

so maybe it was the tension– of all this last year stored up– that cracked open in the midst of it all.

it’s been magical, and good + so lovingly hard.

release.
breath.
-cv.

17.12.2017, 10:15:34

i hear the seconds ticking from that old clock.
i smell the coffee brewing, beckoning me.
i see the sunlight dancing across my living room floor.
i feel the thoughts shouting, telling me to do all the things i would rather do.

present in this moment.
that’s where i want to be.
-cv.

17.12.2017, 10:06:20

on mornings like these, where exams are impending and for once i don’t feel the looming doom over my head, it makes me think:

why do we see these moments with so much weight and grief? we latch our identities on specific seconds and hours, where our performance can tilt on the tune of the wrong note. we cram and pound our heads, shaming our bodies and hearts for wanting peace instead– but we add to this mess, don’t we?

with years of doing this myself, i think i’ve finally found the key to unlocking the mystery: gratitude.

today i’m overwhelmed.
thank you lord for the opportunity to learn.
thank you for the opportunity to love others.
thank you for the opportunity to be loved and to be taught.
thank you for friends that cross my paths in classes.
thank you for the hearts i’m going to impact with this knowledge.
thank you for safe travels and beauty along the way.
thank you for this journey, even as it’s coming to an end.
thank you for this leg in the process of becoming.

that’s the whole point, isn’t it?
we’re all just becoming, after all.
continually becoming.

-cv.